MENOPAUSE
I am 37 years old but have been in medical menopause for 4 years. My friends are having babies and I am having hot f lashes.
Kim W
I hold my friends'' babies and my insides fall to pieces because I know that I don''t have the option of having more children if we wanted, between being in treatment for so long and being forced into early menopause.
cpr1964
COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE
This was a really tough one for me. My husband had not approached me in a sexual way and when I would do things to encourage it, sex never seemed to be in the plans. I really was beginning to feel rejected, but at the same time he was doing so many other intimate things for me and helping out so. He is very private. When I asked him if he would like to see the scar from the modified radical mastectomy, he immediately popped out a NO! I was afraid that he did not want to see my body. It took some courage, but I asked him one night why we didn''t have sex anymore. Was he afraid of hurting me? Did the idea of the scar bother him? His response: "There''s nothing wrong with you! I just can''t get it up!" You cannot imagine the laughter we had together when we both realized that each one was worried about the other''s reaction. That conversation relieved a tremendous amount of stress for us both.
Linda
The key is communicating with your partners about why we have the low libidos, i.e., meds/menopause. Often they misunderstand and take our lack of interest as rejection. I know for me, now that I''m losing some of my menopausal weight, I feel better about myself. This was a real issue for me because my reconstruction needs some revisions which insurance won''t allow because they see it as purely cosmetic. They have no idea how it effects us emotionally.
ANA
I have been with my husband for 27 years, married for 20 (!) and we always have had a good sex life, until he had a minor heart attack at age 41 (runs in his family). Since then, it has been sporadic, and although he is healthy now and I have few physical reasons other than fatigue to stop me, we usually just avoid the subject unless circumstances are perfect, which is rare with two kids, work, and everything else. For us I think it is mostly a communications issue: we have been so involved in talking about so many other important things we have just put sex on the back burner, although we love each other very much and have no intentions of ever leaving each other. I am planning to tackle the issue this summer when things slow down a little, since I think in addition to the sheer physical enjoyment, it is healthier for us to make love more often, and I think we''d feel even closer if we did. I am committed to celebrating my 20th anniversary fully, though, so this is not a dead issue for me!
songbird
My husband (of 27 years) has always been a poor communicator. He keeps everything well hidden inside himself. I too have to admit I feel sorry for him, sorry that he can''t open up more and at least try to share some of those feelings. Unfortunately it is very difficult to break ingrained habits of stoical, Ohioan farmers, and that is the stock from which he comes. Most of his family is the same way. His own mother never interferes or even states an opinion about any of her children now, or when they were younger.
I, on the other hand, am "Mrs. Butt-insky," and welcome to my club!! It consists of me asking and probing and offering opinions every chance I get! My husband has never understood that, and it actually irritates him at times, but I still do it because that''s who I am, and if friends or family members don''t like it, I am of the impression they would tell me, and I can''t remember anyone ever telling me so!
carolecare
The sex life just disappeared and I was so upset and so sad and didn''t know how to talk to my husband about it. The women in my support group told me that it probably was that he was scared of hurting me. They told me to just be honest and talk to him about what I was feeling. So I did and he too assured me that was all it was. He didn''t marry me for my hair or how much I weighed.
He loved me for me and no matter what he wasn''t going anywhere. He wanted me to set the tone and let him know if I was up to it or not. He knew that my body was in pain and really was petrified of hurting me. So from then on things in that aspect got back to normal. I really am blessed for having such a great friend and lover in my husband.
sibling rivalr
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