If a woman is entering a relationship with a girl's sense of self, she is going to act like a girl in that relationship. For example, she may fixate on her appearance, a leftover of teenage preoccupation. She may make snap judgments or be afraid to decide anything for herself. She may even throw tantrums. These alone are red flags for any adult relationship.
"How do you have emotional intimacy if you cannot respond to someone without freaking out?" says Wisniewski. "Even in physical intimacy, she has to be able to say, ‘This is what I want.'" Many of these women have problems detaching from their families of origin. Psychologists have a theory of attachment. It asserts that in times of threat, infants will want to be close to their parents, physically and psychologically. If the parents respond adequately, the infant carries a sense of security into her adolescence and adulthood. That sense of safety will guide her future relationships.
If the parents fail to respond, however, she will experience later problems, eating disorders among them. In a study of 306 undergraduate women, researchers found that those who reported the highest level of alienation from their fathers also showed the greatest symptoms of depression and eating disorders.
In terms of intimacy, a girl will assume responsibility for her father's absence, physical or emotional. She will then go on to recreate the dynamic, looking for a man who will treat her as his child or, at the other extreme, ignore her as her father did, giving her only a shadow of himself as he lives in emotional retreat.
Another type of woman is one who strives to be perfect, to the point of seeming ethereal. She cultivates her image, her appearance, and her competence. Through these expressions and her body language, she promises any potential partner that she is going to be kind, nurturing, undemanding, and affirming. She promises to be her man's earth mother or angel. Joanna Poppink, a therapist in southern California who works with eating-disordered couples, says that many women with eating disorders need to get to a state of perfection because their selfesteem is so low that they cannot tolerate any criticism. "If you are perfect, then you are beyond criticism," Poppink explains. In Hollywood, where many of the therapist's patients live, such women abound - goddesses with eating disorders.
The goddess attracts many partners. Men are positively bewitched by her image. Her goal is to maintain her place on the pedestal. When choosing a partner - and she has many to choose from - she may pick a god. Now they are two divinities, each one perfectly enhancing the image of the other. She throws him great parties and plays the trophy wife that he thinks she is. He, in turn, performs for her, affirming her image of perfection.
In another scenario, the goddess may choose a worshipper. This man is obedient and compliant. He will treat her as she thinks she should be treated. He initially falls in love with her beauty and, through his unquestioning devotion, reinforces her fantasy that she is perfect. They think they are entering paradise, but instead, they are falling into a sinkhole of impossible expectations. What she may not understand is that she is becoming dependent on him because she needs his constant reinforcement. And he, by adoring her, is pressuring her to continue to be perfect.
The eating disorder slips in easily because it is part of her strategy to achieve perfection - through a thin, wispy physique. At the same time, it also siphons off some of the pressure: if she focuses on only her weight and appearance, she simplifies her deeper issues with self-esteem and avoids having to confront them head-on. But if she wants to recover, she may be setting herself up for a much harder journey. To recover, both she and her partner are going to have to ease her off the pedestal.
Our website is not responsible for the information contained by this article. Webworldarticles.com is a free articles resource thus practically any visitor can submit an article. However if you notice any copyrighted material, please contact us and we will remove the article(s) in discussion right away.
This article was sent to us by:
Meredith Bronsten at
09122010
1. Recover from eating disorders by being honest with yourself
All articles in this directory are property of their respective authors. Additionally, read our Privacy Policy
© 2010 WebWorldarticles.com - All Rights Reserved. Partners: Gunblade Saga